I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
