you would pick up someone in the library
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
