Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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