Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
