So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
