Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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