You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
