my mouth tastes like poor choices
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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