do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
