nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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