I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Someone came in the potted fern
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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