I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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