Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
