In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
