We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
