I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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