I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
