It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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