is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
