Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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