How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
