time to smoke my breakfast
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
