Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
