I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
