PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
