if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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