please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
