I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
