told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
