I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
