I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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