drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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