yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
