Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
