The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
