There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
