Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
