Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
