can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
