Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
