There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
