i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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