Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
