happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
