i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
