Your face is a jimmy john
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
