Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
