the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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