he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
