Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
