some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
