Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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